He's definitely not my dad...

Yesterday Dave and I took the kids to the outdoor rinks where we all laced up our skates and spent the afternoon playing hockey. Dave and John left early so John could play in his "real" hockey game at Purpur arena. So when it was time to pack the rest of us up I was in the warming house by myself looking for Dave's hockey stick. I found one that looked like his but wasn't sure so I interrupted the six 12- year-olds who were talking and said, "I'm looking for a stick - is this one of yours?" At that point one of the kids said, "No, it's not ours; it's probably your dad's."

Wait a minute - my dad's?! I laughed and said, "Oh, you mean my husband's! Thanks - you just made my day." They looked a little puzzled but I wandered out of the warming house with a big smile - and couldn't wait to tell Dave about it when he got home.

It's not the first time it's happened. Even though he's only three months older than me people just assume I'm much younger. Maybe it's because I'm only 5'2", maybe it's because with each month he's got more gray hair mixed with the brown while I turn to a major salon event every six months or so, or maybe it's because I was blessed with Mom's skin and don't have many wrinkles. I'm not sure what it is but it's been this way since we were first married. At that point I was used to people thinking I looked younger than I really was. But lately, I've been surprised when people don't realize I'm over 40.

When Dave and I joined the 3-day tour after his October meeting in Barcelona (see picture) I was surprised when, on the third day, I mentioned something about turning 41 in a month and the lady sitting next to me was shocked. Shocked as in thinking I was kidding. She thought I was much younger - as in within the 25-30 age range. I was shocked that she'd think such a thing - I mean, don't I at least act like I'm in my 30's? And what about our three kids - the oldest of whom is 10?

Another incident happened about five years ago while I was teaching at UND. Midway through the semester a student confessed to me that on the first day of classes she'd seen me talking with the other professors and thought that I was a student - and one who was already "sucking up" to the professors.

And finally, fourteen years ago... a neighbor came to our backdoor and when I answered it, asked, "Is your dad home?" As with yesterday's incident, I laughed and said, "Oh, you mean my husband."

All of this makes me wonder - what kind of judgments do we make based on first appearances? And for those of us who look younger than we really are, what kinds of things do we do to make up for those first impressions?

I know that after my student made her confession I started each semester off by rattling off my experiences - saying I taught five years here, two years there, been at UND for ten+ and then I let my students do the math.

I'm also not at all shy about telling my age - maybe as a way of letting people know I have been around the block and know a thing or two.

I try and dress my age - I certainly don't dress as though I'm in my twenties. I'm not exactly wearing "Mom" jeans (at least I don't think I am) but I'm also not a statement of fashion. Even when I would dare to wear tight clothes and mid-riff baring outfits I didn't.

But for now, I'm fine with people thinking I'm younger than I am. Let them lower their expectations and then be surprised with my knowledge or experience. For the most part I don't think about how old I look - I'm comfortable with 41 and think it suits me well. And the next time someone is surprised at my age I'll laugh and take it as a compliment.